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Viola (Vicky) Elizabeth Noble Yuan
Thanks so much for joining me here today. We're here to celebrate the life of my wife Vicky and to give her the send-off she would have wanted. For once in her life, she is going to get what she wanted. We'll take her to Denver and lay her to rest in the foothills, in view of the Rockies and the big Mid-western sky close to her beloved son and granddaughter The one fact that defines her life is that no one ever gave her anything. Everything she achieved she did on her own and on her own terms. She was a bellwether for our age. As a young girl, she was working while her contemporaries worried about the prom. She was a divorcee when marriage was universal. She was a working mother when homemaking was a woman's highest aspiration. We were a mixed racial couple before it was hip. We were a May December couple before it became fashionable. We lived together when marriage was the norm. We were married and remained so as the institution of marriage disintegrated around us. Over our 24-year journey together she taught me some valuable lessons. She taught me to value honesty and to distrust insincerity and to recognize the difference. She taught me to challenge ostentation and pretense and delight in exposing it. She taught me the value of money and its proper place in life. Believe me when I say that only she could have done that. She taught me the value of friends and family and the rewards of simple kindness and consideration. She taught me that the only true purpose in life is to find someone with whom to share it; and once found, to love and cherish them and never let go. Vick was my complement. She was the common sense I lacked. She was my reality check. She was my intuition. She had an uncanny ability to read people. She had an uncanny knack for being right to my chagrin but to my benefit. When I heeded, I prevailed. When I didn't, I suffered; either way, her support was constant and unconditional. In return, all I had to offer was my total devotion and love and to my eternal gratification, it was enough. We've often been regarded as reclusive and living in our own world. It's true. But this was because when all was said and done, we didn't need anyone or anything else except each other. As long as we were together we were fulfilled and content. She was never so proud or fulfilled or loving as when she was being a mother and grandmother and sister and aunt. To receive that kind of love is a rare privilege. She was my best friend and life mate. For every moment I spent with her I was enriched. Every moment away from her I became diminished. I feel so very small now. I cannot speak for you or begin to measure your grief. I can only tell you that she has changed my life forever and I will forever be reminded of her in all that I do and I will miss her every day for the rest of my life. Before I close, I want to read you part of an email I got from Scott Ware, one of my college roommates and Vick's friend: I got off the phone with you and just burst into tears. I felt so terribly sad -- sad about Vick and sad for you. So much came rushing back -- the pre-Vick Milton I knew so well; the sense I always had of the needs she fulfilled and the balance she provided for you. I was just overwhelmed by the feeling of what it would be like to have all that torn away after so many years. Then I spent an hour or so sitting on the couch just thinking about her -- from her days at the Hiway Tavern through Detroit up till the last time I talked to her -- all the times she made me smile, all the tongue-lashings I got, the innumerable times one of us got our bubbles burst by her, all the nonsense we put her through; her stubbornness, her intense loyalty. Here was a woman who was dealt a pretty shitty hand and still in the end built a real life --for herself and for you as well. What a wonder. At the same time she could not have done it without you. You did good by her. Very few people in this world can truly say that their only regret about a relationship was that it came to an end. I ended up feeling very quiet but much better. So feel better for having known her and having been loved by her and join me in celebrating her remarkable life. February 28, 1998
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